Sense of Purpose? What Sense of Purpose?

Floating through life can be an exhausting process. Trust me, I have tried and it is not worth the effort (or lack thereof). 

Growing up, it seemed that every couple of years I would wake up to the arrival of a new sibling. I finally gave up on having a younger sister after Brother #5 came along. In reality, I slept through the 60s….I had no idea what all the fuss was about the Beatles, the drug culture, Vietnam War or any of that. Insulated as I made myself, each day was pretty much the same: wake up, do what I was told, wait for the sun to set and do it all again the next day.

The intervening years had me floating through what I have jokingly called “my nine brilliant careers.” It wasn’t that I didn't commit to anything….it was just that many opportunities came my way and I tended to embrace them without any thought in mind as to where it would lead me. I was reasonably content; I was certainly busy, and in the busy-ness of the days with children, home and work, it was easy to mask that I really was not all that content.

Well, this is not a path I would encourage anyone to follow. In my career as a freelance writer and health coach, I have learned something about what it takes to be in this world and be content. It all revolves around doing what we want that makes us feel useful and, here is the important part, fulfilled.

In 2005, National Geographic researcher and writer Dan Buettner published an article that identified five places in the world where there was the highest concentration of centenarians--people who live to be more than 100 years old, and were living healthy and vibrant lives. He went on to publish his work in The Blue Zones, and what he found was that there were nine common traits of people in these areas (the Power9). One trait in particular fascinated me: having a sense of purpose. Those in Okinawa call this “ikigai”; in Costa Rica it is “plan de vida”.

People with a strong sense of purpose — what gets them out of bed in the morning with enthusiasm and joy — on average add seven years to their life expectancy. Studies also show that there is a detrimental effect for those who have no sense of purpose, or who have lost it for one reason or another.

Figuring out that ikigai can be a challenge, especially for those of us who have not made it a lifetime aim to live with a sense of purpose and meaning. To find it, Buettner suggests taking the time to make a list of our values, the things we like to do and then, the things we are good at. The cross section of these is the ikigai (The Performance Excellence Network has a nice explanation and diagram of this). Another way to look at it is to ask the following four questions:
1. What do I love?
2. What am I good at?
3. What can I be paid for now; or something that could transform into a future career?
4. What does the world need?

Perhaps this is why I let life happen to me. First, I couldn’t isolate what exactly I love to do, was good at, that had a value big enough to create meaning, as well as a way to make a living doing it. Beyond that, even if I could find that sweet spot, the risk of failure to achieve it was a huge stumbling block for me. I didn’t seem to be able to get away from the idea that what I could contribute to the world had any value to anyone but me.

Through the years, though, I have seen others successful in life doing work that mattered to them. Think Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Steve Irwin, or any of those people on cable TV whose "rags to riches" stories involved them taking a risk to do something they love, and hitting that sweet spot in the process.

What I understand now is that all of these people had a vision, a goal and a plan. Their desire to do work that bounced them out of bed in the morning was greater than the risk of failing. More than that, their desire to be happy outstripped the thought of living a life doing something they disliked, simply because it paid bills, or was something that made others happy. They were determined to not be defeated.

In reality, we make life more complicated than it should be because our focus is out of line. It is far healthier to hit that sweet spot--the ikigai, and in doing so, everything else falls into place. The challenge for me has been to take that risk. I believe that there are more of us who would rather take the risk of living life rather than merely existing day-to-day and going through the motions. This sense of purpose is the most important trait of the Power9 because without it, all the others (eating right, consistent movement, family/friends, etc...) can be achieved, but in all likelihood will not bring the contentment we all hope to have.

When Gain is Worth the Loss

But now old friends they’re acting strange/They shake their heads, they say I’ve changedWell something’s lost, but something’s gained in living every day.

These lines from Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” provoke some reflection about life and relationships, about things lost and things gained as we move through our lives, and how we respond to it all.

There of course is a natural process to life and living. On an organic level we are born into the world, grow (gain), decline (lose) and finally die. Most of us want to spend the intervening years building and creating, seeking and discovering what we can do, in the hopes of making a difference in our life and world. All in all, the changes balance as parts of our life are lost in the attempt to gain something greater. Some might say becoming the best version of yourself.

It is amazing and admirable to see those who embrace their passions. Watching faces light up and hearing the excitement in their voices as they show off their flower garden, perform with a band, share photos and videos of hiking trails they have explored. Heck, even watching someone get excited about demolishing a house is thrilling. Steve Irwin, “The Crocodile Hunter,” was someone who exemplified this spirit to the end of his life. People living every day.

What about those who seem content to sit on the sidelines? Those who, for whatever reasons, avoid doing, creating, discovering the person they were meant to be? In other words, those who hold back (even a little) from truly living every day? Perhaps they don’t want to be where they are, but are unsure that the gain is worth the loss.

Part of it may be fear. Fear of creating something in their life that may change them in some way, and not quite knowing how to handle it when it happens. In the pursuit of a passion, the energy and drive it takes to learn the craft may move them away from people and places of comfort. Oh my gosh, they may even need to expand their world a bit (or a lot) in order to fully embrace that thing that makes them feel happy, content, successful, fulfilled, or just want to get out of bed in the morning. Longtime friends and even family may not understand the changes they see. It can make them fearful of losing those connections.

Part of it may be that the passion they want to follow involves massive action on their part. A gardener does not become a master in a week or a month or even a year. Proficiency with a keyboard or guitar is not acquired overnight. Taking a trek along the Pacific Crest Trail requires more than a good pair of hiking boots and a canteen. Making a choice to pursue something they have only dreamed about involves learning and growing; breaking old habits by replacing them with the mindset and actions which will prepare them for the greater and grander life they want. It requires commitment and change if they hope to be really living every day.

The question comes down to a willingness to risk going all in and accepting the internal challenges that must be faced in order to create a life that matters not only to them, but others as well.  It is a willingness to risk being thought strange when placing their feet on a path different from those who accept them as they are. 

In embracing the changes that will naturally happen in life and making choices to create an exceptional life, people may be lost, but perhaps only briefly. The reality is that those who will remain lost are likely those who were never really deeply connected to us in the first place. It is certain that the old self will be lost; old habits and attitudes will be lost, but the gain is so much sweeter as we truly will be living every day. 

Practically Catholic: Making the Most of Lent

In less than a week we will begin Lent -- the period from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday -- which prepares us for the joyful Easter season. Many of us begin the season with the best intentions: giving up everything we enjoy, committing to more prayer and good works, being more mindful of opportunities to imitate Our Lord. It has been said that by fasting and meditation on the sufferings of Christ we can best induce in ourselves a proper contrition for our sins. So how do we make the most of these 40 days without losing our motivation?

Be Specific and Realistic

Too often, many of us approach this long penitential season with ideas of doing more than the proscribed days of fast and abstinence.....doing more than the minimum requirements. A prayerful approach heading into Ash Wednesday, I believe, is a way to calmly reflect on just what we want to achieve in the coming 40 days, and coming up with a specific and realistic plan aids us in achieving a profound Lenten season.

Look at your daily life and your responsibilities -- take these into consideration as you commit to additional fasting and abstinence. It won't do to commit to days of bread and water if your life and work require you to expend a great deal of calories daily. Perhaps, though, you can commit to one day of total fast and abstinence - with the specific intention of offering this in imitation of Christ's fasting in the desert.

Exchanging recreation time for meditation and good works is a wonderful thought as well. Abstaining from worldly amusements has been highly encouraged for many years. Here are some ways to make your Lent full of grace in preparation for Easter:

Set Aside Time for Meditation and Prayer

There are a variety of things we can do to increase our mental awareness of the season. Committing to reciting the Rosary each day and being really mindful of the Mysteries prayed (especially the Sorrowful Mysteries) turns our focus on what Our Lord and His Mother suffered for our redemption. Consider adding a litany to the end of your Rosary or morning or evening prayers. Those that help us meditate especially on Christ's sufferings, like the Litany of the Precious Blood, the Sacred Heart, the Holy Face are excellent choices.

Novenas are another source of prayer and meditation. A nine day commitment of prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help or the Souls in Purgatory is an excellent way to keep the spirit of humility and penance. Think about the dedication and what you ask in petition if you embrace this challenge. Too often I have focused on temporal concerns when saying a novena; I am learning to focus on my spiritual deficiencies and ask for greater virtue.

As you exchange television time, computer game time and the like for spiritual time, pick up a book! The Imitation of Christ, Divine Intimacy, The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord, or Meditations for Lent from St. Thomas Aquinas are just a few titles worth your time and interest. Many of these are available in audiobook or Kindle for greater ease of access.

I have also found that signing up in my email to receive a daily meditation like this is a nice way to tie in to the Bible and provides much food for thoughtful focus.

Be a Doer

A healthy faith is one that is not only contemplative, but active as well. Using the Lenten season to do acts of charity bring us closer to God by serving souls. 

A fantastic and easy way to accomplish this service is found in the works of mercy. Through the Corporal Works we can do things like give alms to those in need, visit the sick or those who are otherwise confined. Through the Spiritual Works we can give our time in prayers for the living and dead; or take those daily opportunities to forgive or silently suffer wrongdoing to us, and comfort those who are in need. 

Taking advantage of attending Stations of the Cross when publicly prayed, or going to an extra Mass during the week can enrich our Lenten experience as well as bring us greater grace.

As with all Liturgical seasons, we should keep in mind the reason for the season, and take advantage of opportunities to grow closer to Our Creator, Our Savior and His Mother. Do your best to cultivate holiness and strive to overcome your spiritual deficiencies. Remember that even failing is a way to gain humility -- be reasonable in your expectations and stretch yourself a bit. You will be surprised at the growth you can make in your spiritual life. Keep in mind that our fasts and abstinences only please God when we also refrain from sin and do good works.

Happy Lent!

Septuagesima and Shrovetide

January closes and February brings us on to the pre-penitential season that begins with Septuagesima Sunday, the very short next season in the Liturgical Year. Incredible as it sounds, we have already moved through Advent, Christmas and Epiphany!

Although many will carry the Christmas season to February 2, the feast of the Purification, Septuagesima actually falls at the end of January - this year on January 28. This is the first warning of the approaching Lenten season. The Septuagesima season lasts about two and a half weeks. As a frame of reference, it falls nine Sundays before Easter and three Sundays before Ash Wednesday.

The history of Septuagesima is rich with symbolism. Literally meaning "seventy," Septuagesima recalls the 70 years the Israelites were held captive in Babylon, but can also be applied to the broader reality of our spiritual captivity in sin, until the full redemptive act of Our Savior's Passion, Death and Resurrection Easter Sunday. The liturgy itself becomes more somber, focusing on the fall and misery of man as seen in the Propers for the season. The Alleluia verse disappears from the Gradual, replaced by a Tract. The joyful colors of the Christmas season and white vestments are changed to the violet/purple colors we saw in Advent, reminding us of the penitential season. The Gloria once again is omitted until Easter.

In previous centuries, many faithful began a voluntary fast and abstinence on Septuagesima, gradually building to the more restrictive fast in Lent. A brief respite from the voluntary fast occurred at Shrovetide, celebrated the week before Ash Wednesday.

In many European countries, Shrovetide was set aside for confession and recreation. Restrictions in Lent included eggs, butter, milk and cheese, and, because there was no way to preserve these until Easter, it was only sensible to use up any of these foods before Ash Wednesday.

Two customs in England, in fact, support this. Shrove Tuesday Pancakes (eggs, butter and milk) and Collop Monday (sliced meat and eggs fried in butter) were well known customs. The carnival atmosphere included football games played in the streets, dancing and other forms of revelry. In France, it was called Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday).

It was to be expected that this carnival setting could be easily abused, leading to excess and scandal. In an attempt to rein in such abuses, in 1748 Pope Benedict XIV instituted the Forty Hours Devotion in honor of the Sacred Heart.

In our own time, Mardi Gras has become a major event, and the celebrations in New Orleans are well known for its weeks of revelry ending on Shrove Tuesday.

While the secular world prepares for Easter in February with candy displays featuring chocolate bunnies, egg dyeing kits, baskets and fake grass, it is important that we not blitz by the opportunities for true Easter preparation, beginning with the Septuagesima season. Adopting some of these activities is a nice way to get our minds focused for the longer penitential Lenten season.  A greater consideration of the customs and practices associated with Septuagesima can be found here.

Looks Like We Made It! Merry Christmas

Of course we made it. Time presses on whether we like it or not, so Christmas now replaces Advent in the Liturgical Year. The anticipation we felt in the previous four weeks is now replaced by a season of total wonder and love, with many facets for us to explore in our spiritual life.

God Seen by Men
During this Christmas Season, it is the hope that in our hearts this Child, Who is God now seen by men, will draw us to the love of the things that are unseen. As we exchange greetings and gifts among ourselves, we should keep in our hearts and minds that beautiful gift God Himself has given us in His Son, Who is the fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecies and our means of redemption.

His Birth Alters the World
Truly, the Birth of Christ changes the world. Many consider the season as a celebration of mothers and motherhood. It is difficult for us in our times to believe how women in ancient times had no rights or destiny except through men. Barely above a slave, women in these times were persecuted and degraded among the pagans. As God, He could have come into the world in any number of ways, yet God Incarnate elevates the dignity of women through His Mother - choosing a woman as His way into the world. We owe her gratitude, veneration and respect.

The season is also one of children. Christ's birth elevated the dignity of children as well simply because He chose to come to us as a helpless baby. Pagan rituals frequently used children as sacrifices, and those who escaped this fate were treated no better than women. The dignity and worth of children therefore increased at the Nativity of Our Lord.

Short Season
With all the events that transpire during this time, it is interesting to note that Christmas is one of the shortest Liturgical Seasons in the year. Indeed, it lasts about 12 days, until January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany. The Liturgy during these days is filled with images of joyous harmony between heaven and earth. It chronicles the early life of Christ. The Feast of the Holy Innocents falls during this time; the Gospels recount not only the Birth of Our Lord, but also the shepherds' visit to the manger, and the Presentation in the Temple. It is entirely fitting, then, that the month, dedicated to the Holy Infancy, ends with these celebrations.

Both the spiritual and temporal preparations we put in place during Advent carry over to this short Christmas Season, making it one of profound joy. It is with hope, then, that we make the most of graces offered as we close out December and carry this feeling into January.

Closing in on Christmas

Making the most of the Advent Season is a challenge in our fast-paced world. Amid the distractions, much of the richness and spiritual joy can be thrown by the wayside, or sadly, lost completely. All is not futile, though and there is still time to make wonderful preparation for the coming Christmas season.

A Spirit of Joy
Advent Week 3 ushers in a spirit of joy mingled with an attitude of penance. For those who have embraced the Advent Calendar activity, this week the candle lit changes from the purple to rose, signaling the imminent birth of the long awaited Messiah. The Scripture readings for Gaudete Sunday exhort us to "rejoice, always" for "our redemption is at hand."

In this octave before Christmas we can focus on the beautiful way in which Christ fills the prophecies of the Old Testament. The Golden Nights, also called The O Antiphons are readings taken from Isiais and Micah, Messianic prophets of the Old Testament. These Antiphons address very directly the titles by which Jesus is called. Beginning December 17 and continuing to December 23, we learn that Christ is "Wisdom, the Lord of Israel, the Root of Jesse, the Key of David, Radiant Dawn, King of all Nations, and finally Emmanuel - God with us." An easy and clear description and prayers for each of these titles can be found here.

An interesting side note to The O Antiphons is that in Latin, each of these titles, when written and formed into an acrostic, form the Latin phrase Era Cras, or "Tomorrow I come."

Mingled with Penance
As much as we feel the building hope in anticipation of Christ's birth, there is still a call to "make straight His path" to our hearts. Ember Days in winter answer such a call. One of four cycles of Ember Days, those in Advent fall on the Wednesday, Friday and Saturday after the feast of St. Lucy on December 13 - in the middle of Advent Week 3.

On these days, we are called to fast and abstinence, not so much as penance for our sins, but in spiritual renewal, reflection on our dependence on God and thanksgiving for blessing received - especially those received in His created world and nature. A full explanation on Ember Days, with special attention to Advent, can be found by clicking to this site.

Leading us to the Stable
This year Advent Week 3 serves as our final push toward Christmas as Christmas Eve falls on what would typically be the Fourth Sunday in Advent. Let us be encouraged in these final days to set aside time away from the frenzy of last minute gifts, cards, parties, decorating and the like to prepare our hearts and minds for the True Gift we receive at Christmas.

Thoughts for December Meditations

December begins and the world is in a frenzy with Christmas preparations and celebrations. Anticipation for the coming year - all those resolutions and hope for a better life - grow as the month progresses. It becomes easy to fall into the distractions and become side-tracked in the bustle, which can bring on stress and anxiety.

There is a better, quieter and simpler way to focus on December which can give us much comfort and consolation. I love the fact that within the Church year, each month has a dedication to help us deepen our understanding about the Faith to nourish our spiritual life and infuse our souls with peace and joy. Allowing ourselves to tap into these resources for even a few minutes a day can put us in tune with the real reason for the anticipated celebration of Christmas and the Christmas season.

Who does not love a baby - especially when the Baby is the Infant Jesus? The Church begins Her Liturgical Year in December, which is dedicated to the Divine Infancy. The Advent Season begins and ends in December, and is all about preparation for the coming of the Savior. Just as we need to prepare for the birth of our own children with baby showers and the family excitement of the new arrival grows, so do we need to spiritually prepare for the birth of Christ in this wonderful season.

Those who are blessed to be able to attend Holy Mass on a daily basis are invited to feel the holy hope of the coming Messiah, Who will break the bondage of sin and offer us eternal life. The liturgy is filled with Old Testament verses associated with the coming Redeemer through the Psalms and readings taken from Isaias - the prophet of the Incarnation.

Mingled with the hope and joy, Advent is also a time of penance. Again the liturgy reminds us through St. Paul's epistles and the words of St. John the Baptist  to "make straight the way of the Lord." While not as demanding as the penitential season of Lent, Advent does invite us to reflect on those things that make the Lord's path to our hearts less winding and more straight. The season encourages us remove from our hearts and minds those weaknesses and habits that keep us from feeling God's presence in our daily life.

So what can we do make this spiritual preparation when daily Mass is not available? The Church in Her Wisdom has placed before us in December's dedication to the Divine Infancy many activities to ready us for Christmas which I have discussed in this article. Delving deeper into the month, The Church calls us to honor Our Redeemer's Mother, celebrating her Immaculate Conception on December 8. Any novenas dedicated to Our Lady and her Maternity as well as those dedicated to Our Lord and His Infancy are entirely appropriate for the season as well. A nice connection to three novenas can be found here - The Novena to the Infant of Prague, The St. Andrew Novena and the Novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe (especially as she is the intercessor of the unborn).

For a fuller discussion on the Infancy and Childhood of Jesus as well as links to other small devotions that can be done daily, please click here.

The point is that in order to experience the coming Christmas Season, which begins on December 25, with the most peace and joy in our hearts, we need to make time beforehand to move our hearts and minds from the clutter of daily life. These activities and prayers take very little time during the course of our day. Many can be added to our daily prayers. Through them, our understanding of the miracle that occurred so many centuries ago in a stable in Bethlehem is broadened, our knowledge increased, and our love for the things Unseen intensified.

Blitzing by Advent to Christmas

Here we sit at what is, in the secular world, the end of the year; yet for those in the Christian faith, it is the beginning of a new one. These worlds collide at Thanksgiving, when the secular world explodes into the frenzy of the holiday trifecta (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years), and the Christian world begins its preparation for the Advent of Christ Incarnate.

I have noticed in these past years that even the Christian world blitzes right into the joyous season of Christmas, totally bypassing the preparatory weeks of Advent. Christmas lights go up on houses, trees are purchased and decorated, parties and gatherings are crammed into those few weeks before December 25. What a pity.

Advent is a beautiful time of year. The season is heralded in by the Feast of St. Andrew (November 30). As it continues for four weeks before Christmas, the season is filled with both a call to joyous hope of mercy and deliverance, and an introspective call to penance.

Advent connects the Biblical past of Old Testament prophecies to the birth of the promised Redeemer. The liturgy throughout these weeks is rich with reminders of patient suffering and holy hope. It is a wonderful time to tap into activities to broaden our understanding and place our focus on the upcoming Christmas season. In fact, there are so many activities it can be difficult to choose one. Many can be done as individuals; some are better suited for family or church community consideration. These are some of my favorites:

The St. Andrew Novena (Christmas Novena)
St. Andrew's feast day on November 30 begins the Christmas Novena. A full discussion and the novena itself can be found here. I like this novena as it encompasses the entirety of Advent - a daily reminder of how Our Lord was born into this world. It helps me cope with many of the problems I encounter each day.

Advent Wreaths 
One of the most popular activities to bring the sense of Advent to life is the Advent Wreath. Greens arranged in the form of a wreath and adorned with four candles, three purple and one rose, are lit one week at a time beginning the First Sunday of Advent. A new one is lit each Sunday, with the rose candle reserved for the Third Sunday. Another terrific explanation of the symbolism, as well as the prayers for the ceremony can be found at this website. The Advent Wreath and the prayers bring the family together in preparation for Christmas.

The Jesse Tree and Advent Calendars
The Jesse Tree is another one of my favorite Advent activities for families and communities. There are many different kits available for purchase, but I made my own from felt and is displayed as a wall hanging. It is a favorite because it ties the Old Testament prophecies to the Birth of Christ, as well as tracing Christ's ancestral roots, beginning with Creation. Symbols are placed on the tree each day starting December 1, and is accompanied by a Scriptural passage. CatholicCulture.org has a nice discussion about it, as well as directions for creating your own Jesse Tree. Click here to explore this site.

Along similar lines to the Jesse Tree is the Advent Calendar. This Advent activity, in my opinion, has been co-opted by the secular world to the point that it has really lost its spiritual significance. Google "Advent Calendar" and a host of options are at your fingertips: from children's Lego versions with a Star Wars theme, to an adult version involving alcohol, the Advent Calendar is my least favorite activity.

There are many choices we can make as individuals, families and faith communities to grow and deepen our preparation for the coming of Christ at Christmas. If any of these activities pique your interest, go for it! Lessons learned along the way will make the Christmas season - which begins on December 25 - more profound.

Living Intentionally

I had the best of intentions when I started a blog three years ago. As a matter of fact, I had visualized an amazing career as a blogger, writing hundreds of interesting stories about everything in life. I envisioned my daily routine: up each morning early, laptop at the ready, my fingers flowing easily and quickly across the keyboard creating stories, opinion pieces and thoughts to be shared to the hundreds, no, thousands of readers who would eagerly await my next post.

I even pictured myself going through all the comments people would make for each article, taking the positive and negative feedback, you know, being totally professional in addressing replies. It was going to be great as my voice joined other prominent voices in cyberspace to enlighten and delight the world.

Reality quickly set in as I discovered that few, if anyone, bothered to read my posts. Even my closest family and friends managed to find other things to do than read my blog. I will admit that I was consistent for one month only; not enough time to build much of anything, I know. Somehow I had just expected overnight success. When it did not happen, I became frustrated to the point that I was ready to give it up.

It is little wonder then, that my posts for 2015 averaged one every other month. Not ready to throw in the towel, I recommitted myself, so that by the end of 2016 I had published a whopping 30 posts, thanks in part to a writing challenge I joined. This sort of thing was a nice prompt for me, but it became a source of anxiety and frustration mostly because I didn't care very much for some of the prompts (write about the first object you see, which happened to be a salt shaker), so writing became less fun and more like a chore.

Here I am at the close of 2017 and this post on "Living Intentionally" has yet to be completed even though I began it in March. What happened? Where did I get so far off track? I still got up early, but wasn't writing. Instead, I had subscribed to countless personal development, writing and career sites, all of which were well and good, with the intention of using the information to move my career forward faster than I had been seeing it move. I downloaded books, signed up for courses and I still was not getting anywhere. What I discovered, though, was at the end of two hours - very early hours - my mind had been bombarded with strategies, hints, inspirations about creating a better me, as well as a better writer. What it didn't do was move me to action.

Half way through the year, with no successes to bolster me, I managed to find ways to not even get out of bed early. It wasn't that I didn't think about it - goodness knows I was awake - I thought about getting up to start writing or working on priorities for my health coach business, but then thought it was pointless because I had nothing to write, and it was far too early to deal with my health coach business. I convinced myself that I would be able to write later in the day or reach out to my clients -when I might be more inspired.

Rather than focusing on how this year has been a waste and that I am an utter failure, I have been thinking about what needs to happen to get me out of this funk. As a health and wellness coach, I know that there is a strong, almost indestructible connection between the body, the mind and our financial states. There are times when we just need to take that step back (or outside of ourselves) and figure out where the derailment occurred.

For me, it is that I had no clear idea about what I expected from myself. I had these great visual dreams but didn't believe that they could ever be realized. I know now that my dreams of being a successful health coach, joining with other coaches to truly "Get America Healthy," as well as an exceptional writer are within my grasp. I just need to do the work. The first thing is to create consistency in my actions that lasts longer than a month.

Seasonal Changes and Mind Games

Does anyone else think that the change from summer to autumn is the most drastic of the seasonal changes we experience?

I was driving late yesterday afternoon and I could not help but be struck at the "all of a sudden" differences I saw and felt as I made my way home. A sea of red tail lights from the traffic slowly moving with me stood out in contrast to the wave of white headlights approaching from the opposite direction....it was barely 4 pm. Surrounding us all, dusk, with its rich hues of purple created by the sun setting through both thick and thin cloud layers, rapidly disappeared as night fell.

The busy surface streets, lined with shopping centers, brilliantly lit with a variety of colored lights displaying restaurant names, gas stations, grocery stores and pharmacies, became brighter as the darkness increased. Residential neighborhoods, illuminated by streetlights, were also starting to glow as residents turned on lights both inside and outside their homes.

Here and there people dressed in light coats and hats -- resilent North-westerners armed with an umbrella, a flashlight or a dog, walked along the sidewalks not bothered by the occasional drizzle. Some, the more athletically determined I suppose, dressed in running shorts and shirts, passed and out distanced the walkers with their rhythmic and almost effortless strides. Still the darkness silently enveloped us.

This growing lack of light did not stop many people from continuing their work-related activities either, be that yard clean up, garage cleaning, or in many instances, putting up Christmas decorations. Yes, Christmas decorations. As November moves out and December moves in, we enter the Holiday Trifecta: Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's celebrations.

What happened to those long, lazy days of spring and summer? The hours of daylight beginning around 5 am and lingering until 9 pm or later? Not that I utilized the gift, mind you, but that flexibility to be able to be outside to enjoy a sunrise or a sunset was sort of always there should I make use of the opportunity. The busyness of the days, it seemed, could begin or settle like waves gently lapping on the shore.

The shortened days of autumn and winter -- especially as the year closes -- bring an almost frantic state of mind as the holiday activities loom ever-closer on the daily horizon. Morning light delays its arrival which means I am less inclined to move from the warmth and reverie of bed. Once up and moving, the race to complete daily tasks before early sunsets is much more like trying to get to  safety as waves crash the shore ahead of a coastal storm. The added holiday activities, simple ones, really, like decorating our home, the office, just seem to add to the frenzy.

It really is an interesting contrast that we talk about the "lazy" days of spring and summer, in spite of the fact that the days appear longer; while the shortened days of autumn and early winter are crammed with activity that puts an ant farm to shame. It is the same 24 hours. Nothing more. Nothing less. The challenge is making the most of the daily gift we are freely given, which for me means getting out of the mind-game of light and darkness and just doing what needs to be done.

In the Clinic Building Relationships

Remember the scene in You've Got Mail when Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), having put Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) out of business, visits her after learning that she is sick, and the conversation turns to relationships? The conversation went like this:

Joe Fox:  It wasn't...personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But is was personal to me. It's "personal" to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

This is at the heart of all things....being personal. In the clinic we see this every day. Going to the doctor is of all things personal, right? Patients new to the practices may, in a matter of a half hour's acquaintance, be asked to get undressed or otherwise expose parts of their body to near strangers....zooming from, "Nice to meet you," to "Let's take a look at that sore on your___________. Would you please take off your shirt and pants?" Pretty darn personal.

In today's healthcare culture, the trend seems to be heavily focused on the "science" of medicine. We are blessed to be living in an age where technology advances enable practitioners to identify with greater clarity not only a patient's medical problem or condition, but also hone in on the severity of the condition. A cough can be a cough, or it can be the symptom of something more serious, which might be identified by imaging studies. The ability to use this technology gives medical doctors information that helps them better treat their patients' medical problems. It seems that the advances in both technology and drug therapy should improve the quality of medicine. Or not.

Certainly the ability to diagnose and treat conditions has improved and lives are saved, for which we should be grateful. The price paid for these advances can have an unseen but perhaps a negative effect. We see this every day in the clinic: Imaging reports from X-rays, CT, MRI tests, lab results and consult reports flood the office fax machine, mail, and email. Our providers spend much time each day reviewing data and planning the next steps in treating the patients who come through our doors. Ours is a small office; I can only imagine what the larger clinics must see, and wonder how the providers deal with the tsunami of paperwork in a practice panel of 2000 or more patients. Time consuming tasks that either bring the provider into the office hours ahead of clinic time to complete, or keep them hours beyond the time the clinic closes can negatively impact both quality and work satisfaction.

All the paperwork and reports needing to be completed for specialist referrals, insurance companies and the government pull doctors, therapists, counselors away from the "art" of medicine; the intangible something that should really be at the heart of working in a medical setting. Asking a physician or nurse why they chose the profession, the most common answer is not because they enjoy reading medical test results, completing forms to justify medical treatment for a patient, or even the money. The most common reason, almost to a person, is that they want to serve others by using their knowledge and skill to improve their patients' health and wellbeing, to treat them when they are not feeling well and to be there ready to help when needed.

So for what it is worth, patients don't know or remember that our doctors spend a great deal of time behind the scenes shuffling papers and jumping through hoops to get services or prescriptions needed in patient treatment. This is science and now bureauracy of medicine. Patients do know and remember, though, how they felt after seeing the doctor; the time spent in conversation with them; the caring touch received on physical examination or even in a handshake or hug; the tone of their voice; a smile. This is the art of medicine. It is building the relationship and feeling valued. It begins, grows and thrives by first being personal.

The Unintended Realities of Getting a Song Stuck in Your Head

It is probably a safe bet that most of us, at one time or another, have heard a song only to have the melody stick in our heads for hours (or maybe days) on end. It is the sort of thing that can drive you nuts.

This very thing happened to me the other day. Paper Moon found its way into my brain after seeing a clip from A Streetcar Named Desire.....it tormented me for three days. It was while driving home from work with the melody playing over and over in my mind, I began singing along to the tune running through my head.

Then I started to think about the lyrics I was singing, trying to figure out what (if anything) this song meant.

For those who do not know the lyrics or have even heard the song, Paper Moon was written by the song team Harold Arlen (music) and E. Y. Harburg (lyrics), with Billy Rose in 1933. The song has been recorded many times in a variety of arrangements by such notable singers as Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. The verses are as follows:

It's only a paper moon
Floating over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn't be make believe
If you believed in me

It's only a canvas sky
Hanging over a muslin tree
But it wouldn't be make believe
If you believed in me

It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just a phony as it can be
But it wouldn't be make believe
If you believed in me.

Many people have looked into the meaning of the song, and there are a few theories out there. For a broader discussion on this  click here

For me, though, my perspective is quite different. As most speculate that the lyrics are driven to explain the relationships we experience on a human level, be that between a man and a woman, or, in the case of the feature movie Paper Moon with Ryan and Tatum O'Neal, parent and child, or in A Streetcar Named Desire, looking back on our life and getting back to those places and things that gave us happiness, I look at it in that most important relationship between us and God. What if we look at this as if our Creator speaking to us through these verses?

Could God be telling us that everything we see and do in this life is nothing without Him? Is there an emptiness, a shallowness, a facade in our existence without knowing and loving God and His loving us in return? How many of us are truly ever happy and content believing that what we have is the result solely on what we do and create?

Our modern world is filled with the "famous and beautiful people," who spend time and money in the attempt to stay "famous and beautiful." Can they truly be happy? Is their life one of simplicity and reality, or do they live in a world of make believe?

The world is also filled with those who have amassed fortunes and then spend their time and effort trying to keep it. Can they truly be content? Is their life one of fulfillment, or do they live in a world of make believe?

Or, those people whose primary focus is on gaining more and more power, then having to spend yet greater energy staying there. Can they be truly happy and content? Is their life one of continuous inner peace, or is their life like a Barnum and Bailey circus?

The refrain breaks the verses, so instead of God speaking to us about the triviality of life without Him, from our perspective, in the refrain we acknowledge the idea that living without the mantle of God's love and guidance, we are destined to spend our lives in in a world of shadows and illusions:

Without your love
It's a honey-tonk parade
Without your love
It's a melody played in a penny arcade

So for what is worth, that irritating event when a tune plays over and over in my mind may not be so bad after all. I can't say for certain if the writers had any other intention than to amuse the masses with a cute little tune and clever lyrics. Isn't it funny, though, how the audience reacts to the piece and takes away something that touches their own life? The unintended reality of this common human experience for me has been the realization that my life would really be less full, less meaningful and less real without the Greater Good. If you are interested in hearing a version of the song -- performed by the fantastic Ella Fitzgerald, you can find it here.

In the Clinic with Exercise

One thing about it, you have to love the habits of health and the ripple effect they have on those around you.

In the office we try as often as possible to model those activities that support good health and overall wellbeing. This "do-as-I-do" attitude lends credibility to the things our providers tell their patients when discussing medical problems related to lifestyle choices, such as diabetes, metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure and the like, but is often easier said than done.

To facilitate this healthy focus, I purchased a Nike FuelBand several years ago and was immediately depressed by the paltry number of steps I achieved in the course of a day. I found that by 5 pm (when the clinic closed), I failed to come close to my goal of 10,000 steps a day, which meant that I had to find time to add those 6000-7000 more steps I needed to track before midnight.

In our small office it is difficult to hide much of anything and my comments about the lack of progress I was making soon became a topic of general conversation. Our ever-energetic and enthusiastic medical assistant Andrew caught quite an interest in my healthy endeavor and also decided to jump on the 10,000 step per day bandwagon.

Armed with his own Fuelband, he started tracking his steps and we enjoyed comparing notes throughout the day as to our step-status. Eventually this led to a friendly competition to see who could clock the most steps before quitting time. As late afternoon approached, we would call out to each other as we passed through the clinic our current count, and there were times when we were quite literally within dozens of steps of each other. All of this produced a frantic push on the one of us behind at that point to be as active as possible, and I have to admit that I found myself stepping in place while I waited for a fax to come through or some such other menial task.

Not to be outdone, Andrew decided that he would build himself a workstation where he could stand to do his work, and keep in "perpetual motion" as he answered phones, completed forms or did computer work. Mary, our administrative assistant, soon joined in the fray, creating her own workstation where she had the flexibility to either sit or stand. She soon upped the ante, and with her FitBit firmly planted on her wrist, twice a day both she and Andrew took time to complete the "7 Minute Workout" from an app Mary had downloaded on her phone. Attempts, by the way, to get Jeannine involved in this, were hit and miss -- but this is the topic for another story.

Since I still have too much pride to lend myself to doing crunches on the floor in front of a few onlookers, I had to figure out something else to improve my FuelBand numbers. It was at this point that I made the decision to haul myself out of the comfortable reverie of slumber and begin my quest for 10,000 steps at 5:30 in the morning.

Puffed up like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, I began greeting Andrew as he entered the office each morning at 8:15 with my 3000+ steps already showing on my FuelBand. My good-natured friend would with humor acknowledge his deficit and the day would move forward.

All of this effort on healthy movement lasted for about two months. Not sure how or why it happened, but we all sort of lost our competitive spirit. We still get plenty of movement in during the course of the day, but the teasing and tormenting has fallen by the wayside.

Most of us in the clinic still embrace the habit of healthy movement. Andrew has replaced his office chair with a huge blue ball -- core training at its best during office hours. For me, I can still find time to run in place as I wait for a fax or am taking a lengthy phone call, but I now find that the best movement I get seems to be when I have waited too long to use the restroom and, at the point of almost no return, am sometimes forced to dance around waiting for the room to be less occupied.

Best Party Ever

By far, the best party ever was "The Run for the Roses" party we hosted in May, and it is one that I would do again or attend in a heartbeat.

Normally, we host events for our church group, and there is no particular theme: we just want to bring together our faith community of friends for informal fun and fellowship. An April trip through Kentucky, though, with a stop at Churchill Downs, inspired my husband and me to plan a party with a Kentucky Derby theme.

It may have been learning that there was really something to "the most exciting two minutes in sports," or it may have been a greater understanding of the history and tradition of the Derby -- I don't know -- we just came back home and the idea just grew.

The Kentucky Derby is always on the first Saturday in May, so with literally less than an month to pull this off, we went to work. Online invitations made it easy to create a theme-appropriate evite. Less easy was organizing how and what we would do once the party gathered. Wanting to have our guests get into the fun of the party, our first idea was to encourage anyone interested in placing a "bet" to download our version of the "racing form," complete it, and send it back before the actual race. There would be prizes for anyone whose horse won -- or who actually scored the trifecta: all three horses in winning order.

As fashion is as big a deal at the Derby as the race itself, guests were invited to dress Derby-style in any way shape or form they chose. A simple (or not so simple hat), elaborate dresses and suits, ties and the like were encouraged, and the guests did not disappoint. I am sorry to say that we did not take photos of our company as they arrived, because it was delightful to see how our group of about a dozen embraced the challenge. My favorite, if I had one, was our friend Dennis who came decked out in a white suit, black string tie and a hat -- clearly the image of Col. Sanders!

For the bill of fare, our potluck assortment included many bourbon-inspired dishes: fruit salad with a bourbon dressing, BBQ ribs, a spicy sausage casserole, Benedictine spread and, of course, Derby Pie.

No Derby event would be complete without the famous Mint Julep, and we did not overlook this important detail. As we are not cocktail drinkers, we had all the ingredients necessary for the potent potable, along with the recipe. Our guests were encouraged to build their own, or just use the pre-mixed Mint Julep we found at the local liquor store.

Completing our party activities were two multiple choice trivia contests: one on the Derby itself and the other on Kentucky history (who would have thought that Johnny Depp was born in Kentucky??). Prizes for winners of these contests, as well as for the race itself included a Southern Living magazine, a bag of glazed pecans, and a bottle of Kentucky bourbon.

The highlight, though, was our Kentucky Bourbon tasting. Anyone who was of a mind could bring a bottle of their favorite Kentucky bourbon for a little competition, and our party closed with our spirited (literally) group enjoying conversation on family, work, life and the Derby.

So for what it is worth, our spur-of-the-moment, themed party was a great success. Bringing together our friends is always fun, and while we do not need a reason to host such gatherings, this one will be remembered for a long, long time. Next year? Well perhaps we will all be inspired to put together a Triple Crown event!

Perfect View (Writing Challenge 6)

The view from my office window does not afford me much in the way of a tremendous scene in as much as it is obscured by a very large leafy tree. From the second story window, though, I am the proud observer of the many weather changes that come and go throughout a workday in Portland and am surprised by the connection I feel to the natural world on the other side of window.

Today the view is green. The tree, with its many long branches rife with leaves of both green and yellow, is dancing as a brisk wind moves through, pushing the branches back and forth. Looking through the sheltered branches closest to my window, I see the wind roughly playing with the branches on the wide open other side.

Occasionally the wind calms to a gentle breeze and the branches slow to imperceptible movement, but the leaves continue fluttering on their limbs. Beyond the tree and across the parking below, three tall fir trees stately stand, guarded, as it were, by several Aspen trees. These trees perform their dance, entertaining the majestic conifers while the wind swirls around them. When the wind picks up, these trees join in the dance, their movements slower, clunkier than their smaller attendants.

On sunny days like today the morning sunlight brightens a flawless blue sky that provides a nice backdrop to the scene. As the day moves, and the sunlight along with it, the blue will deepen its hue, forcing the trees to pop in contrast. At this point in the day I am able to shut off the small desk lamp, as the sun offers ample illumination to my tasks.

I like this view. It matches my moods through the day. The shade afforded in the early morning facilitates the quiet, steady desk and computer work I do. As the light creeps around the building, the perception changes as the light forces its attentions on the tree outside my window, and in sync, my mood shifts to more active tasks -- so much so that by the time I am once again settled at my desk, I feel the sun in its late afternoon westward travel. The wind may have calmed or even died, and the trees, no longer happily dancing, shut down for the evening -- just like me.

Before and After with My Water Container (Writing Challenge Day 5)

Given the fact that the human body is roughly 60% water, you would think that we would naturally gravitate to any and all ways to replenish this vital fluid. Yet many of us don't get close to the amount of water we need on a daily basis. Until a little more than two years ago, I could have been considered among those who avoided water (almost) at all costs.

I really convinced myself that unless there was some fizz to it, I couldn't drink water. Coffee? Sure. Tea - iced or otherwise? You bet! Soda? Ah, soda...there you had me. There was nothing like popping the tab on a can of cold pop to hear the escaping pressure of carbonation, or seeing the bubbles rising to the top as I twisted the cap on a bottle of Diet Coke. And I didn't wait for a reasonable hour of the day to indulge in this, either. While so many others grasped that cup filled with the black gold of coffee as soon as they arose, I was completely happy grabbing  a can of pop.

Of course it did not help that I never really felt thirsty as the day progressed. I would have to say that for the most part, hydrating through the day, be it iced tea, coffee or soda generally was attached to eating something, or, even in an effort to avoid eating something.

A little more than two years ago, I engaged the help of an optimal living coach, with the goal in mind of keeping my (good) health ahead of the aging curve so that I could continue to be Jeannine's primary life manager and ease the burden of my other children who I knew would step up if needed should I crump. It was not an easy decision,  and it was not pretty when, as we progressed through my health assessment, I had the humiliating confirmation that I had no consistent habits of health.

The first thing we tackled was this very issue of hydration. My coach told me that I needed to deep six the pop and replace it with water - half my body weight in ounces each day. Thankfully we put some strategies in place that would facilitate me drinking this much, which is the standard habit of water health. This is when my water container became my favorite thing.

My container is nothing really out of the ordinary: these 24 oz plastic glasses can be found in high-end department stores, coffee bars and dollar stores. Mine has a permanent straw and a screw-on lid. Armed with this, I began this change to healthy hydration -- drinking at least 85 ounces each day.

Ironically, I found that it was really quite easy to dump the soda. As long as I had my container filled with ice water, I was fine. After about a week, I was routinely consuming not only 85 ounces, but 90 ounces or more! There was the slight drawback during that first week of bathroom running, but it was not very long before my body adjusted to the new and improved hydration system, and my "visits to the necessary" decreased.

I also found that my skin looks better. I have had many comments about how I look younger and I even seem to have more energy. I feel better focused on everyday tasks. By taking the container of ice water to bed each night, I can sip on it if I happen to wake up, and seeing it sitting on my nightstand when I get up encourages me to start my hydration routine for the day. The biggest plus, though, is that by making this change to water, I have lost weight and am better able to maintain the loss.

There really has been no downside to having this water container. As a matter of fact, if I happen to forget it, I feel lost without it!

" I don't know where my manners are. Here it is, nearly 11:30. You must be parched."

This is one of my favorite quotes from The Money Pit. That is not to say that there were a great many other lines from the movie that are equally funny, it is just that this particular line, delivered to perfection by Tom Hanks, pulls together his character's frustration, annoyance and resignation to his growing realization that the house he purchased was a monumental mistake.

Now this could have been written and delivered as one statement, but the fact that it is broken into three separate sentences allows Hanks, as Walter Fielding, to subtly express his bewilderment that the plumber he wants to hire to fix the rotten pipes in "The Pit," actually asks for alcohol so early in the day. The viewer also sees Fielding as the helpless victim -- not a potential customer ready to do business, and who would otherwise have the upper hand -- and the lines give him some measure of control in a situation where he sees himself almost begging for this guy to do the repairs he desperately needs. What is even more funny is that he doesn't even know if the plumber is any good. And of course the plumber is quite oblivious to Walter's remark.

I have used these lines (or a variation thereof) many times in the course of the years. Most of the time they are aimed at Tim whenever I feel that he thinks I have overlooked some minor something in attending to his needs. In these instances, I feel (as Walter did), I have no control of that immediate moment in my life, and this happens to be a great way for me to let it go. Unlike the plumber, Tim is very much aware of having annoyed me, and making this statement allows us to take a moment, relive the scene and then laugh.

So for what it is worth, this is one of the best movies I have seen on many levels: the story itself, the acting (it is Tom Hanks, after all), and a well-written script. Turner Classic Movies suggests it is a loosely done remake of Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, and if so, Hanks does a wonderful job recreating the Cary Grant character (Mr. Blandings). While not an apples-to-apples version of the Cary Grant movie, The Money Pit, is a humorous, light-hearted film most people will find enjoyable. There are far too many scenes of both disaster and stupidity to detail here - and far too many funny lines, but this is one movie that I would take the time to view again and again...and actually, I have!

Himaylan Salt Grinder

There really is no end to the healthy eating trends that come and go. One craze, it seems, is using Himalayan Pink Salt in place of regular salt or sea salt, or even the Mediterranean variety. Since beginning my journey to healthier living, I succumbed to the trend and purchased some a while ago because it was supposed to be mineral rich, thereby being of greater nutrient content than the more common white variety. I use it mostly to season cooked food, and not a lot in actual prep (like salting water for pasta, etc.,). The really nice thing is that I found it in crystal form with its own grinder that matches grinders for pepper and regular salt....which is pretty cool.

I have to say that it is really quite beautiful. I bought this grinder at Costco, so you know that there is enough salt to last at least five years. The container itself is more or less cube shaped, about as tall as a dinner knife, clear plastic, mostly, but the grinder at the top is round and black with a narrow cap to catch the fine powdery salt that at one time were pink and dirty white crystals before grinding.

The whole thing is 2/3 container and 1/3 grinder unit. Two of the container sides are smooth and the edges are rounded. A brown, pink and black label on one side identifies the Kirkland Signature Himalayan Pink Salt, and an almost identical label on the opposite side has the requisite ingredient and nutrient facts. It is fairly light in weight and there is an almost imperceptible "give" if the container is squeezed.

The container is now about 1/3 full, so upending it to feed the crystals into the grinder sounds like one of those children's toys that are filled with small beads or pellets -- and if I turn it on its side and try to roll it along the counter, it sounds remarkably like one of the FisherPrice push toys on a stick (remember the FP Vacuum Cleaner???). As I actually use the grinder, which is not so easy to twist, I am reminded of the sound made when trying to turn the handle on the penny gumball machines commonly found at the entrances to grocery stores when I was growing up....today's versions are filled with M&Ms and cost a quarter!

Unlike the pepper, the salt has no scent, so the container has no odor -- although there have been times when I have wiped it down with a cleaning cloth so that it doesn't smell like the salmon (or any other raw protein) I had been handling. Ten or so twists on the grinder creates about a 1/2 teaspoon of finely ground salt, which, when tasted, is not as pungent as its more common variety.

I really have no clue if my health is better for using Himalayan Pink Salt, but I have to say that it does look neat standing proudly on the counter at the back of my cooktop next to the Kirkland Signature Black Pepper Grinder and the now less-favored Kirkland Signature Mediterranean Sea Salt Grinder.

"Born This Way" ........or Not

Young adults born with Down syndrome pursue their passions while defying society's expectations. 


The statement above is the synopsis for the "docu-series" Born This Way.  At my daughter Mary's suggestion, I watched an episode of the program because she thought I would enjoy seeing how a group of seven young adults with Down syndrome interact with each other and the world. She also thought I would appreciate the connection between the cast and Jeannine. After viewing the episode, I have concluded that there are some significant problems with what is presented.

First, it was difficult to watch the episode "Bachelor Pad" without feeling pretty much like a failure. Two of the young men, Sean and Steven, are buddies and their parents decide that it is time for them to exert some independence. They find them an AirBNB house to rent, and, having enlisted the services of a company that provides live-in support, Sean and Steven move in together.

Of course the plan is not without its bumps: Steven packs everything except his pants, and both young men want dibs on the same bedroom. Sean wins the room in the end, but his mother makes certain that he knows he will have to compromise when the next conflict comes.

The fascinating thing about this was the scene where the guys are sitting down to a burrito lunch they prepared themselves and opened up to each other about being nervous living without their parents on site. Could I see Jeannine in a similar situation? I don't know...I might be able to see her living independently from me, but I certainly could not see her expressing herself with the insight these two men did.

In a side story, John, who wants to pursue a career in entertainment as an R&B songwriter-singer-dancer, performs at an event and his mother comes right out and tells him she was disappointed. Ahead of his performance, she tried to encourage him to practice, but to no avail...and his performance showed it. She was all about how he could do better and she knew it. To his credit, he said he did not want to disappoint her and the "next time" he would be better. Again, could I see Jeannine making a choice to do something -- and do something well -- simply because she did not want to disappoint me? Nope. The flaw here is not that these wonderful people do not have dreams and aspirations. They do. Jeannine does. But what they see in their dreams most people believe are attained simply because they want it. There is no hard work, practice, training and discipline. It just happens.

I see this quite often with Jeannine. Her latest passion is that she wants to participate in Special Olympics swimming for the first time in several years. Inspired by the events of the latest Olympic Games, she is determined to swim as well as Katie Ledecky and win as many gold medals as Michael Phelps. While she is a decent swimmer, having won her share of medals and ribbons from past meets, the reality is that others can and have surpassed her in skill and speed. When gently suggesting that she do more during the limited swim practices than hang on the side of the pool chatting with others, she becomes irritated; yet she sees herself swimming with speed and ease, earning that precious gold medal.

Then there is Elena, a young woman of Japanese descent, who not only deals with Down syndrome, but, like so many others, has to work through other emotional issues. In this episode, she talks with her mom about her emotional "roller coaster" and in the end, agrees to start some medication that might help get her emotions under better control. Do I believe Jeannine has that insight into herself, her moods, her emotions? Do I believe that most people with Down syndrome have that great capacity of self reflection that leads them to a conclusion like Elena's to do something to help make their situation better? I just don't see it happening in the majority of instances.

So for what it is worth, it was really depressing to watch Born This Way. I kept trying to tell myself that this could not be real: these people with Down syndrome could not have such great insight into who they are, with an ability to articulate how they are feeling.  I wonder how much of this was true and how much was scripted. I kept trying to see myself having these sorts of conversations with Jeannine, but the reality is that she does not have that maturity shown by these characters in the program. My conclusion is that either these wonderful individuals who happen to have Down syndrome must function at a much higher level than most, or, there is much more going on behind the scenes of this "docu-series" than the viewing audience is given to understand. Perhaps, though, the fault is all mine for making choices for Jeannine throughout her life that maybe did not allow for her to develop to the fullest all her wonderful talents and abilities....but I doubt it.

The Fine Skill of Reading Aloud

Part of the fun of social media sites like Facebook has to be reconnecting with people and places from my childhood. There is a Facebook group of hundreds of people who "Grew Up in Overland Park," and the memories that brings when someone posts a photo or a news clipping from some part of my growing up years there is such fun.

A closer-knit group I see on Facebook are those of my classmates (and teachers) from both grade and high school. It, too, is wonderful to jog our memories of times past -- sometimes happy, sometimes embarrassing -- but always interesting to me. One of the nicest connections I have made in recent months is with my third grade teacher, Mary Wiles. While I have had many teachers who have inspired and challenged me; some who I never appreciated either as an educator or human being, Miss Wiles was just plain kind. She had a way of engaging me in learning that I (obviously) never forgot.

Perhaps the best memory I have of time spent in Room 103 were those afternoons after noon recess when she read to the class. Be it a hot Kansas spring or snowy winter, it was pleasant to sit and listen as she read from one of the books from the school library.

My favorite was St. Therese and the Roses by Helen Walker Homan. I could not say why I recall this so clearly, except that it had to have been the most perfectly written children's book on a saint I had ever seen. I remember Miss Wiles, whose voice was soft, kind and friendly, reading perhaps a chapter each afternoon, and I would hang on every word. It was amazing to me how this great saint could be brought to life first in the way the story was written, but even more so as Miss Wiles read it out loud to the some 32 of us in the class.  I still recall hearing about St. Therese as a small child, and how in childlike simplicity wondered why that little "baby Jesus wouldn't toss that ball He was holding" to her, even after she "promised" to toss it back to Him. Of course, as an adult I understand that she was referring to a statue of the Infant of Prague, who holds the world in His hand, but at the time I remember thinking how incredible it was that a child as young as she was would like "to play catch" with the Little Infant.

More than that, though, it was evident that Miss Wiles was as engaged in the story as any of us. Some parts she read with enthusiasm -- especially when Therese approached the Pope to petition joining the convent as a young teen; at others, particularly when the young saint lost her mother to cancer, she read with sadness and pain -- as if she were there witnessing the event.

It wasn't too long before the story came to a close, with the beloved saint promising to "shower the earth with roses" after her death. In the weekly visit to the library, I remember searching for that hardbound book with the blue cover and the simple illustrations scattered throughout the story. I wanted to hold it in my hands and read the words that Miss Wiles had brought to life.

I know that I checked the book out multiple times during my grade school years; I never tired of rereading the blessed life of this young saint.

So for what it is worth, I don't believe that I was ever much of a reader before third grade; it only took one very compelling and well-written story, read with simplicity by one of my favorite teachers to spark an interest in the written word that I still have today. Amazing.