Saturday, September 10, 2016

"Born This Way" ........or Not

Young adults born with Down syndrome pursue their passions while defying society's expectations. 


The statement above is the synopsis for the "docu-series" Born This Way.  At my daughter Mary's suggestion, I watched an episode of the program because she thought I would enjoy seeing how a group of seven young adults with Down syndrome interact with each other and the world. She also thought I would appreciate the connection between the cast and Jeannine. After viewing the episode, I have concluded that there are some significant problems with what is presented.

First, it was difficult to watch the episode "Bachelor Pad" without feeling pretty much like a failure. Two of the young men, Sean and Steven, are buddies and their parents decide that it is time for them to exert some independence. They find them an AirBNB house to rent, and, having enlisted the services of a company that provides live-in support, Sean and Steven move in together.

Of course the plan is not without its bumps: Steven packs everything except his pants, and both young men want dibs on the same bedroom. Sean wins the room in the end, but his mother makes certain that he knows he will have to compromise when the next conflict comes.

The fascinating thing about this was the scene where the guys are sitting down to a burrito lunch they prepared themselves and opened up to each other about being nervous living without their parents on site. Could I see Jeannine in a similar situation? I don't know...I might be able to see her living independently from me, but I certainly could not see her expressing herself with the insight these two men did.

In a side story, John, who wants to pursue a career in entertainment as an R&B songwriter-singer-dancer, performs at an event and his mother comes right out and tells him she was disappointed. Ahead of his performance, she tried to encourage him to practice, but to no avail...and his performance showed it. She was all about how he could do better and she knew it. To his credit, he said he did not want to disappoint her and the "next time" he would be better. Again, could I see Jeannine making a choice to do something -- and do something well -- simply because she did not want to disappoint me? Nope. The flaw here is not that these wonderful people do not have dreams and aspirations. They do. Jeannine does. But what they see in their dreams most people believe are attained simply because they want it. There is no hard work, practice, training and discipline. It just happens.

I see this quite often with Jeannine. Her latest passion is that she wants to participate in Special Olympics swimming for the first time in several years. Inspired by the events of the latest Olympic Games, she is determined to swim as well as Katie Ledecky and win as many gold medals as Michael Phelps. While she is a decent swimmer, having won her share of medals and ribbons from past meets, the reality is that others can and have surpassed her in skill and speed. When gently suggesting that she do more during the limited swim practices than hang on the side of the pool chatting with others, she becomes irritated; yet she sees herself swimming with speed and ease, earning that precious gold medal.

Then there is Elena, a young woman of Japanese descent, who not only deals with Down syndrome, but, like so many others, has to work through other emotional issues. In this episode, she talks with her mom about her emotional "roller coaster" and in the end, agrees to start some medication that might help get her emotions under better control. Do I believe Jeannine has that insight into herself, her moods, her emotions? Do I believe that most people with Down syndrome have that great capacity of self reflection that leads them to a conclusion like Elena's to do something to help make their situation better? I just don't see it happening in the majority of instances.

So for what it is worth, it was really depressing to watch Born This Way. I kept trying to tell myself that this could not be real: these people with Down syndrome could not have such great insight into who they are, with an ability to articulate how they are feeling.  I wonder how much of this was true and how much was scripted. I kept trying to see myself having these sorts of conversations with Jeannine, but the reality is that she does not have that maturity shown by these characters in the program. My conclusion is that either these wonderful individuals who happen to have Down syndrome must function at a much higher level than most, or, there is much more going on behind the scenes of this "docu-series" than the viewing audience is given to understand. Perhaps, though, the fault is all mine for making choices for Jeannine throughout her life that maybe did not allow for her to develop to the fullest all her wonderful talents and abilities....but I doubt it.




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