Sunday, February 22, 2015

Birthdays, Social Media and Self Worth

If it had not been for my children, I would have never attempted to join any of the social media outlets. My daughter (not Jeannine - although she most likely could have facilitated it) created my Facebook account several years ago, and I have to admit that until recently I have not spent a great deal of time there.

It was important for me, however, to check in once in awhile just to see what my children were doing and show support for their life successes as they "posted" to their page. Every now and then my son would ask if I had seen something or other that he had posted, and then I would have to track down the post and "like" it, or more often, make some comment about how he should not refer to Jeannine as a "moose."

Since embarking on this quest to be brave and challenge myself to be a better person, I have been checking in on Facebook several times a week. I had at first decided that I would use this as a forum to promote devotions and prayers, calling on my FB friends and family to join me in prayer. I have even used it to ask for prayers for family, friends and even for myself when needed. I was always impressed at the number of people who responded to my requests and even followed up to know the outcome.

The one thing I have noticed in the past few years is how FB will let me know of birthdays and the like, and offer an opportunity to send greetings (or even a gift) to the person celebrating their special day. Not that I have taken advantage of all the opportunities to "write on a timeline," for every person "friended," but I have noticed on the newsfeed the numbers of well-wishes for this person or that person celebrating a birthday. Some people had outpourings numbered into the hundreds. "Wow," I thought, "certainly when my natal day arrives I should hear from many of my friends and family!" Alive with anticipation, I made sure that I checked FB on that fatal day in January.

What a disappointment. I believe I had less than 10 and perhaps less than five greetings on my timeline.

Contrast this to two weeks or so later when Jeannine's birthday rolled around. The little mugwump had no less than 100 greetings on her timeline, and a large percentage of them were more than just a short "Happy Birthday." Many took the time to write beautiful messages to her. What was more amazing was that a number of these posts were morphed from someone else's post. When adding the "likes" to the actual messages, the number skyrocketed.

As I reflected on this humiliating experience, I rationalized that so many people acknowledged her birthday because she is a very special person and people were just being kind. I, on the other hand, am just an ordinary person who would not take notice or feel slighted if ignored. That really did not make sense because it really was not about me, but about how so many people connected to her. On deeper reflection, I remembered a long time friend of mine who, when her birthday came, had hundreds of greetings and well-wishes as well. What could be the difference between me and them?

I never felt that I could call her by anything other than her given name, but "She," as many of her close friends know her, is a high school friend I had not seen or spoken with for years. Then we found a connection on FB and I have had the joy of touching part of her life again for a few years now. "She" has a remarkably open and friendly personality. I remember that in our class of 32 students, "She" had a wonderful ability to be part of any group. This could be that so many of our classmates were her friends since grade school, so the bonds were forged before I met her, but on closer inspection, it was more than that.

"She" was also part of other groups in our class, the most memorable being those who followed the rock bands of the time. Now these were not the soft rock groups and solo singers: these were the hard rock bands of the age. As I was not part of this group (or any group) and generally had no interest in the music of the time, I can only guess for a frame of reference that these might be bands like The Who and Led Zeppelin. Anyway, "She" had strong connections with all of us in the class and it was not surprising that when reconnecting via FB, many of her connections were from high school days.

What is even more disturbing for me is that "She" told me she does not publish her birthday on Facebook, so all those who wish her well have no reminders that her birthday has arrived. Perhaps those who have sent greetings to her do not remember her birthday either, but, like Jeannine, some of the posts were generated by others who saw previous comments.

So for what it is worth, I could take this and measure my self worth based on a pitiful showing of social media birthday greetings, but I think that I will accept the fact that I am blessed to be connected to two very beautiful souls, who in different ways have touched many people in deep and profound ways.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

On a Mission to Find Shoes

Those who have had the wonderful experience of creating and keeping great health in their life by achieving their best weight I think will appreciate this experience. I slogged away for decades at a weight that, while not morbidly obese, was clearly outside what is considered "normal" let alone "optimal."

I embraced the Habits of Health about six months ago and lost about 33 pounds. I am amazed at how much better I feel and how much more I can accomplish in a day being less heavy. Be that as it may, one of the by-products associated with what I consider a "significant weight loss" is the very scary idea of buying new clothes.

A coworker, who has become my fashion guru, about three months into my health transformation, shamed me into going to get some better fitting clothes. Needless to say, I was reluctant to embark on such a quest, bearing in mind that the clothes I have purchased in the last decade have been hoodies, sweatshirts, in the very generic XL, or, if I was really optimistic, an L.

The brilliant thing about my decision to shop for new clothes was to leave my spouse at home. He is a wonderful person, mind you, but his vision of clothing for me is nowhere near what I would ever consider wearing and he tends to spend quite a bit of time exhausting all choices before making a decision on anything. I decided to leave him at home.

The experience was great. Keeping in mind my coworker's counsel, I found some slacks I liked and took three pair in different sizes in the fitting room. Once I honed in on the correct size, it was just a matter of deciding on color and shirts that would complement them.

Not only did I find three pairs of slacks, three shirts and a jacket four sizes smaller than I had ever purchased in my life, the best part was that it was all transacted in 45 minutes. I returned home and not only did my purchases pass muster with my spouse, the next day my coworker was very pleased that I finally came to work in pants that didn't sag in the bottom.

My family was quite generous in giving me gift cards to help expand a new wardrobe, and even more generous in their comments that the next purchases should be shoes. It is at this point that I made a grave mistake. My spouse, quite firm that I am totally incapable of finding the proper shoes for work and dress occasions, started out with me on a very wet Saturday morning, gift cards in hand, to the mall to find shoes.

Bringing Tim with me was the first error; my second was trying to shop without knowing what I wanted. With the vague notion that I could not handle really high heels, I immediately scoured the shoe displays looking for sensible, functional shoes. What a learning experience to see 3-4-5 inch heels, open toe, no toe....all at prices that made my head spin. Even with the gift cards, I knew this would be a very expensive outing even if I could find shoes that worked for me.

A very nice clerk approached and asked what he could do for me. I tried to explain what exactly I wanted and after a momentary pause, the blank look passed from his face and he said he was certain he could help me. He did, however, need to go searching the stockroom and said he would be back very quickly.

In the interim, Tim went on his own search and pulled two or three styles he thought I should try. I too, on closer inspection, found a pair of wedge-style dress shoes that I thought would work. Not too high, I thought the wedge might be a nice in-between style that I could negotiate without falling and breaking an ankle, knee or hip.

Fast-forwarding to 75 minutes and 12 pairs of shoes later, I found two pair that I really liked. Ironically, both pair were three-inch heels, one functional enough to wear with slacks at work or in casual social settings. The other was a very dressy patent leather shoe but the hitch was that it fit one foot better than the other and in order to accommodate a comfortable fit, I would need to purchase shoes a size larger. The clerk, by the way, did not appreciate my suggestion of buying one of one size and the other another.

My ever helpful spouse was certain that we could do better elsewhere, so we bought the less dressy shoes and had him hold the other for me while "I thought about it."

We walked to the other side of this very large shopping mall, to another department store and studied the shoe display. Tim was not impressed; Jeannine was growing tired of the outing and I was growing tired of both. Traversing to yet another department store, where the result was about the same, Tim decided to enlist the help of our eldest daughter by phone, who gave him the name of a shoe store in another shopping center several miles away. Making the trek there was easy enough on a wet, chilly Saturday (haha) and the result was, yep, the same...he didn't like anything he saw.

We are now about 3-4 hours into this adventure and I suggested that we just go home. As there was an all-important college football game about to start, Tim agreed. Once home, I told him I would go back to the mall and retrieve the shoes I had on hold. He was welcome to stay home; and Jeannine was equally pleased not to have to go out again.

Braving the rain, to-the-bone chilling wind and post-Christmas traffic, I arrived at the mall where it took me 15 minutes to find a parking spot. I quickly puddle-jumped my way to the mall entrance, darted my way through the flowing mass of shoppers to the scene of the crime. In less time than it took to park the car, I had the shoes and was on my way home.

So I am very happy that I have embraced a healthy lifestyle that enables me to feel better and accomplish more on a daily basis with the increased energy I have found. I am also very happy to find that my spouse still cares enough about me to want to see me properly outfitted, even if it takes a whole day to find one pair of shoes.