Sunday, February 22, 2015

Birthdays, Social Media and Self Worth

If it had not been for my children, I would have never attempted to join any of the social media outlets. My daughter (not Jeannine - although she most likely could have facilitated it) created my Facebook account several years ago, and I have to admit that until recently I have not spent a great deal of time there.

It was important for me, however, to check in once in awhile just to see what my children were doing and show support for their life successes as they "posted" to their page. Every now and then my son would ask if I had seen something or other that he had posted, and then I would have to track down the post and "like" it, or more often, make some comment about how he should not refer to Jeannine as a "moose."

Since embarking on this quest to be brave and challenge myself to be a better person, I have been checking in on Facebook several times a week. I had at first decided that I would use this as a forum to promote devotions and prayers, calling on my FB friends and family to join me in prayer. I have even used it to ask for prayers for family, friends and even for myself when needed. I was always impressed at the number of people who responded to my requests and even followed up to know the outcome.

The one thing I have noticed in the past few years is how FB will let me know of birthdays and the like, and offer an opportunity to send greetings (or even a gift) to the person celebrating their special day. Not that I have taken advantage of all the opportunities to "write on a timeline," for every person "friended," but I have noticed on the newsfeed the numbers of well-wishes for this person or that person celebrating a birthday. Some people had outpourings numbered into the hundreds. "Wow," I thought, "certainly when my natal day arrives I should hear from many of my friends and family!" Alive with anticipation, I made sure that I checked FB on that fatal day in January.

What a disappointment. I believe I had less than 10 and perhaps less than five greetings on my timeline.

Contrast this to two weeks or so later when Jeannine's birthday rolled around. The little mugwump had no less than 100 greetings on her timeline, and a large percentage of them were more than just a short "Happy Birthday." Many took the time to write beautiful messages to her. What was more amazing was that a number of these posts were morphed from someone else's post. When adding the "likes" to the actual messages, the number skyrocketed.

As I reflected on this humiliating experience, I rationalized that so many people acknowledged her birthday because she is a very special person and people were just being kind. I, on the other hand, am just an ordinary person who would not take notice or feel slighted if ignored. That really did not make sense because it really was not about me, but about how so many people connected to her. On deeper reflection, I remembered a long time friend of mine who, when her birthday came, had hundreds of greetings and well-wishes as well. What could be the difference between me and them?

I never felt that I could call her by anything other than her given name, but "She," as many of her close friends know her, is a high school friend I had not seen or spoken with for years. Then we found a connection on FB and I have had the joy of touching part of her life again for a few years now. "She" has a remarkably open and friendly personality. I remember that in our class of 32 students, "She" had a wonderful ability to be part of any group. This could be that so many of our classmates were her friends since grade school, so the bonds were forged before I met her, but on closer inspection, it was more than that.

"She" was also part of other groups in our class, the most memorable being those who followed the rock bands of the time. Now these were not the soft rock groups and solo singers: these were the hard rock bands of the age. As I was not part of this group (or any group) and generally had no interest in the music of the time, I can only guess for a frame of reference that these might be bands like The Who and Led Zeppelin. Anyway, "She" had strong connections with all of us in the class and it was not surprising that when reconnecting via FB, many of her connections were from high school days.

What is even more disturbing for me is that "She" told me she does not publish her birthday on Facebook, so all those who wish her well have no reminders that her birthday has arrived. Perhaps those who have sent greetings to her do not remember her birthday either, but, like Jeannine, some of the posts were generated by others who saw previous comments.

So for what it is worth, I could take this and measure my self worth based on a pitiful showing of social media birthday greetings, but I think that I will accept the fact that I am blessed to be connected to two very beautiful souls, who in different ways have touched many people in deep and profound ways.

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