In the Clinic the Struggle for Understanding Can Be Humorous

One of the nicest benefits to being part of a small medical practice is that patients come to know each of the staff, and the interactions can be pleasant and, at times, amusing.

A few years ago, when the only "associates" to Cleary Medical Associates were our medical assistant, Jeannine and me, Dr. Cleary had a middle-aged gay patient who unfortunately had a host of chronic care diseases. When Barry came to the office it was typically an extended appointment. Barry did not drive and really came a long distance to see Tim.

One afternoon, Barry came for his appointment and with him was his partner, Jess. As Jess was not a patient and Barry declined having him come back to be part of the office visit, he remained in the waiting room. Jess was a gruff sort, apparently not interested in any of the magazines or other reading material we had available. He just sat there staring at me as I worked at the front desk. I decided I would try to talk with him, but all my attempts to engage him is some light conversation fell flat. His reticence may also have been increased when another patient, an elderly gentleman named John, came in for his appointment.

At this point Jeannine emerged from her after school spot in a little room we set up for her complete with books, games and a DVD player so she could watch her favorite movies. She had grown tired of being at the office, so she came out to see if there was anything of interest to do. She saw John, and having seen and talked with him before, immediately went to the waiting room to say hi. After chatting with him for a few minutes, she turned her attention to Jess.

"Great," I thought to myself, "she is going to try to talk with him, and he will rebuff her." Jeannine doesn't take being put-off very well, and I was not at all sure how he would react to our little soul or how she would respond to his gruffness. Braced for the worst, I watched as Jeannine went across the room and sat in the chair next to Jess.

"Hi," she said, "My name is Jeannine. Are you here to see my dad?"

"No," Jess replied, "I am waiting for Barry."

"Oh, so you are not a patient."

"No," came the brief response.

"What is your name?" she asked.

"Jess."

"Oh, so are you married?" she inquired.

"No, I have a partner," he said.

"So you are married."

"No, I have a partner, Barry."

"So what is your wife's name?"

"I don't have a wife; I have a partner."

"OK, so what is your wife's name?" she asked again.

"I don't have a wife. I have a partner."

"Oh, so what's your wife's name?"

At this point I am trying not to lose it as this question and answer session carried on for about three minutes. It was amusing to me to watch Jess struggle to get Jeannine to understand the very different relationship he and Barry shared with an audience intent on following this conversation. He was clearly at a loss to find the words she might understand, but was surprisingly very patient with her.

John, for his part, sat quietly trying to concentrate on the book he brought to read. Every now and then, though, Jess would glance his way, then mine, not in an attempt to plead for help -- perhaps it was just to see how we were reacting to it all. At length the medical assistant came to call John back and Jeannine knew that Jess would be leaving soon.

As she moved from her perch next to Jess, she turned back to him to thank him, and would he please tell his wife "Hello."

"Sure," he said, finally giving up any hope of having her understand.

So for what it is worth, I am glad that I did not interfere with Jeannine's interaction with Jess. As much as I would have liked to divert Jeannine to something else, I knew any efforts would only lead to her becoming upset with me, with an uncomfortable scene likely to ensue. Besides, it was far too funny to watch these two go back and forth in what might have been an unending conversation. In the end, Jess became a patient in the practice and without fail, when he would come to his appointments, if Jeannine was not immediately present, he would always ask where she was...."the real manager in the office." And, without fail, she would pop out from wherever she was and go out to talk with him.